Archive for 'Uncategorized'

probably my last post.

May 9, 2010 by admin, under Uncategorized.

I started “Palmer’s Blog” a month after leaving New York in the summer of 2008, and now, having just returned to New York, I’m nearly overwhelmed with reasons not to blog. This may be a temporary hiatus, but it may also be a break of a year or two.

Here’s why…

  1. I don’t feel comfortable writing about relationships right now. I need to live them rather than analyzing them. Sometimes life, and those we live it with, deserves a little privacy to flourish.
  2. Buffalo was not the first time a manager has been upset upon discovering my blog. Part of my decision to move back here was to “grow up” to a degree, and a bit of discretion goes along with that. It doesn’t mean I won’t share my thoughts and feelings privately with y’all. I just don’t think it’s appropriate or wise anymore to explore my feelings here.
  3. I’ve successfully channeled my creativity into this blog for nearly two years. I want to start a larger or longer project. That means I have to stop diverting energy into these entries.
  4. I’m a little tired of the “It’s all about me” tone. Focusing so much on one’s feelings can perpetuate negativity, and when everything is going well, it would be more fun to write about other things. When I return to blogging, and I’m sure I will, it will be to write with a wider or different focus.
  5. I don’t want to be online so much. There are other ways to stay in touch. Let’s talk on the phone.
  6. Like everything else I do, my best explanation for this is, “It will all make sense in the end.”

Thanks so much to my mom, brother, aunts, cousins, friends, Mr. Hotness, and others, who’ve stopped by in the past two years. I’m actually listening, as I write this, to music created by someone I only know because he stumbled upon the blog. It’s definitely been a fun project. Hopefully the end of the blog will mark the beginning of an even awesomer story, both in life and on paper.

And yes, I’m ending this with a fake word. Huzzah!

(PS to any random visitors who drop by, keep reading- there’s some juicy stuff in here).

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this is how I feel right now.

April 17, 2010 by admin, under Uncategorized.

I did not ask permission from the friend who created this song to post it on my blog, so I won’t tell you who that person is. Yet. I will say that it’s how I feel right now, and it’s because, in the immortal words of Richard Dreyfus in What About Bob? “It feels right because you’re here, and it feels right because you’re leaving.”

More news to follow very shortly.

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paradigm shift!

April 10, 2010 by admin, under Uncategorized.

I usually make it a rule not to write about generalities. Still, today requires one. To quote Wikipedia, “paradigm shift” means “a change in basic assumptions.” I have experienced a paradigm shift, and man, do I love them puppies.

For the past twenty-eight years of my life, I have acted on one basic, gloomy principle: how can I avoid fucking up my or anyone else’s life?

Thanks to the romantic suffering my mom and I went through together last year, one of my friend’s decision to commit fully to her boyfriend, a few great self-help books, my favorite astrologers, my brother’s wise advice, and probably every other person I’ve spoken to in the past six months, that question has finally changed.

I don’t care if I mess up mine or anyone else’s path, anymore. Worrying about doing so makes life suck so much it’s hard to imagine me doing anything worse, unless I actually bought an Uzi and went on a bloody rampage. Which I won’t do, because it doesn’t fit into the new paradigm any more than it fit into the old one.

Now, I find myself asking how I can live this moment. Here, now, with this person, this tree, this cup of iced decaf coffee. Fully, and well. With a flourish and a smile and a leaning-forward big gamble on life in general. By recognizing the possibility it may make me blush later, and then, by throwing that possibility away.

Scorpio
By Rick Levine
Your two ruling planets, Mars and Pluto, are currently engaged in a winner-takes-all struggle, but it’s actually a stalemate because there won’t be a winner if anyone loses now. This will be a problem as long as you are in a competitive frame of mind. But you have the power to shift the paradigm from conflict to cooperation. By changing the rules of the game, everyone can come out ahead.

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for your desktop pleasure: wallpapers in five sizes.

March 25, 2010 by admin, under Uncategorized.

Wallpapers created for Smashing Magazine’s monthly assortment. To use, click the thumbnail closest to your monitor’s size, right-click the image that appears and select “set as desktop background.”

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poetry scribbled in a journal on the NYC subway a few years ago (mostly unedited).

March 15, 2010 by admin, under Uncategorized.

Uno
The pinstripes on the PATH train
Wall Street boys in overcoats
a scarf’s dash of orange on black
and the sockless men
with scabby feet
curl over subway vents
or in crannies of Penn Station.
I was living on Apple Street when the flowers came and took away all our hope. All our school-age schoolchildren living in the sea climbed from sludge onto the beach
to walk primordially
from the stinking fetid
swamps
and into hearts and homes and stoves.

Dos
His eyes like thunder
rolled to me
his weighty jowls silenced
poetry or silk cascades
of beauty
crystal stemware
sparkle twinkles
light upon their faces
and I think
if you were up here
then this
chandelier’s bath
would warm us in its light.

Tres
I live in silence
until stirred with sugar.
I live with power
until asked to move.
I move to tremble
I speak in whispers
and shout loud enough
for no one to hear.

Quatro
The bearded boy across from me
knows the hurt of sunsets
finds lore in zines he
collects in bookstores
covered in dust, he
covers in dust
his assets, figure, working muscles,
truth of his heart
the truth of his heart
he hides in a cyclone of Thoughts.
Profound urbane shocking
or witty
his thoughts like brussel sprouts
his thoughts like weed
heady, distracting
useless smoke covering
all of his shame
the shame a little boy hides
in his first class
when he learns he’s alone
surrounded by unseeing eyes.

Cinco
The next book has started
the first not yet evoked
I can write laundry lists
of funny silly happenings
like Fruit Loops for a baby’s dinner
different colors flavors reminiscent of reality.
I need to reach inside.
I wish for: someone to love me for reaching inside.
Someone to love
regardless of chaos
regardless of place.

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Sorry about the ugly design…

February 14, 2010 by admin, under Uncategorized.

My site was hacked, unfortunately. Fortunately, I was able to keep all the posts and re-install everything so we still have the Palmer’s Blog we know and love. But the problem is somewhere in the folder where I kept my design, so until we figure it out, we’re going to look like toilet paper for a little while.

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